Message: Get a life

Note: The following post contains spoilers of season-enders for a TV show or two. Abstain from reading if you’re as big a couch potato as me.

As the May sweeps season ends, God is trying to tell me something.
No, it's not that the world is ending, heralded by that Britney Spears/Kevin Federline reality show. But Britney looking full-face into the camera asking "can you handle my truth?" is surely an end-of-the-world moment. Sure, I can handle your truth, Britney: You suck and are becoming increasingly annoying. Can YOU handle your truth, is the question.
No, the divine Telex to me is probably the same as to Mr. & Mrs. Spears: Get a life, at least one outside of the 25-inches of television screen in your living room.
This season alone, no fewer than five television shows I've followed for years are disappearing into the void. They are, in no particular order, "NYPD Blue," which went off the air in March after 12 seasons; "JAG," "Third Watch," "Tru Calling" and "Enterprise." (I’ll have more on that soon.)
Not only that, but May will also see the end of the "Star Wars" saga in theaters and (I hope) in merchandising tie-ins.
This leaves me with some serious holes in the weekly TV schedule, or as is so often the case, fewer things to see on the TiVo.
Sure, there are some new shows to take the place of the old ones ("Law & Order: Trial By Jury" and “Battlestar Galactica,” on Friday nights). But the fact is, as lame as some of the shows were ("JAG" seemed to set new highs, or lows, on a weekly basis) I'll miss them.
"Third Watch," especially, is a loss, and a sudden one. The show that originally had focused on the swing shift for a group of Manhattan police officers and firefighters had its soap-opera moments (the maudlin introductions in the wake of Sept. 11, for example) but it was a quality show. Unlike "Tru Calling," in which unaired episodes will apparently sit the Fox vault, "Third Watch" was given notice that its tour was coming to an end, and the show fielded a final, wrap-everything-up finale.
"Tru Calling" was just getting interesting -- pitting Eliza Dushku's lifesaving character against Jason Priestly's hep Grim Reaper -- when, from what I can tell, the show got killed.
What's left? Well, there's the hit-and-miss "Las Vegas," which is somewhat unbelievable for a real Las Vegan like me. (The casinos really don't have access to CIA/NSA/NCIC-type databases on everybody, and facial recognition software isn't really that good.) But with Vanessa Marcil and Molly Sims, we can all get over those little leaps in logic. Charlie Sheen's vehicle, "Two And A Half Men," isn't bad, either. The "JAG"-spinoff "NCIS" is fun, as is "Scrubs," and "According To Jim." (Hey, I love Jim Belushi, what can I say?) "Joey" is still hanging in there on Thursday nights (and who didn't know he was going to hook up with the somewhat-ditzy blonde lawyer neighbor?) and so is "ER," although it's losing Noah Wylie, making Sherry Stringfield the only remaining original cast member (and even she went on a hiatus). Of course, "The Simpsons," "South Park," “Real Time With Bill Maher” and "The Daily Show" are always good.
I saved the best for last, however: "Lost," a show that started this year, is truly great. It's got mystery, suspense, sex appeal and Evangeline Lilly.
So, while I think the divine “get a life” message is still applicable, I’ve still apparently got plenty of ways to ignore it. And I didn’t even have to dip into the Netflix stash.